Fifth Jump: Overlord (Anime) Part 2

Clementine… Not going to allow that to happen.

            I stepped into the town, the village being known as Carne, if my memory served. Was just a short distance from the tomb, but I was still getting used to my speed, so I had somehow managed to pass it up once or twice, I imagine. Either way, I was mindful to keep my mouth shut… I doubt anyone besides the farmer would actually believe that someone would file their teeth and, considering he treated me poorly despite thinking I was a noble, there was probably something wrong with him.

            Once I was in the village, I tried to look around for a moment. “Hmm… I was right… A very dull place…” Well, considering what location this was, I knew that such a fact was to be temporary... Given a day or two. I simply stayed for a good while, trying my best not to draw too much attention… Which was almost impossible considering my attire and appearance. Silver hair, red eyes, teeth capable of opening steel cans, and luxurious clothing with a weapon doesn’t exactly create a sense of “fitting in” with these villagers.

            During my time here, they did get onto my rather frequently about it all… Mostly asking if I was an albino after a while. Better than thinking I was something else entirely. They were kind enough to give me a place to stay… mostly as long as I helped around the village and stayed out of the sun for most of the day to avoid extreme sunburns and damage to my eyes, even after I kept telling them that I am not an albino, they simply ignored my statements and continued on as if I had not said a single thing.

            I was mindful enough to at least inform Momonga of what was going on and, after a few days and telling him to come down with a mask, I took my leave. I had bigger fish to fry than the Slane Theocracy, so I went ahead to E-Rantel in search of the adventurer’s guild that was present in that city.

            After searching for a few hours, once I had arrived with the aid of my speed, I moved to take a small seat in the building. With a message spell, I informed Momonga that I would be staying in the city… and then suggested to him that he should take up the mantle of “Momon” and become an adventurer… He went along with it after I informed him that it might be of use to do so, if he wanted to learn more about the world. After he took care of those invading Carne, of course. How I would have enjoyed showing the Slane Theocracy how wrong they are… but, there are certain events that must come to pass.

            It took another few days, during of which I found a tavern that was apparently in my name… Interesting, but nothing of true note. I allowed certain events to transpire as best as I could, advising Momonga to do as the stories directed all the way up to a very specific point.

            When the day came, I went to the alchemist’s shop that I knew that Clementine would appear at a fairly opportune time. With a few talisman’s, I casted an improved Silence and an improved Invisibility before simply sneaking in through the window and waiting, completely unseen and unheard. Even if Clementine was within the Realm of Heros, she was not the strongest person around and nowhere near my point.

            I waited and waited… Eventually the party of adventurers came, I having waited in the corner, simply staring at Clementine the entire time while she spoke to herself about what heinous acts she was going to do to them. Even the Necromancer arrived before the adventurers and the little alchemist that they were protecting. If I interfered, it would alter one path… but, I did not want to see these people harmed by this woman.

            The air was silent except for the gentle taps of boots and little chatter as they stepped into the backroom, Clementine stepping up to greet them. I allowed them to chat, the Necromancer telling her not to play around as he came in behind them. That was my cue and, just as that psychotic wench was about to draw one of her stilettos, I burst forward, drawing my sword and bringing it down to parry her strike toward the blonde-haired ranger who took himself as a charmer. In doing so, I came into view, standing right between them and Clementine. I wasn’t even trying… Simply holding her daggers down with one hand on my sword. “Clementine… Khajiit… You’ve been up to some shady shit. You were going to kill those without any reason to die... I pronounce y-“ The Necromancer started to cast something and, to those watching it appeared as if I hadn’t moved, but the short sword (Yes, a short sword), that was sticking out of his ribcage said otherwise. I was even standing right in front of him, holding the hilt in place. “Allow me to finish…”

Fifth Jump: Overlord (Anime) Part 1

Overlord (Anime) Jump (Jump 5)

1000cp + 400cp

Starting Location: Tomb of Nazarick

Identity: Warrior, Age 23, True Vampire (50cpD), Player

Abilities: Zombie (Free), Tolerance For Evil (Free), Personal Inventory 1 (Free), Themed Aesthetics 2 (Free), Shared Language (Free), 42^nd Supreme Being (800cp), Level One Hundred (Free), Rogue (100), Monk (Free), Talismonger (100cp), Golden Mind (FreeD), Omnidextrous (FreeD), Damage Focused Warrior (50cp),

Equipment: Golden Coins (Free), Pay To Win Items: Spectacles of Translation (Free), Summoned Mount: Gryphon (Free), Medium Tier Equipment (Free), Ring of Elru (200cpD + 200cp from the equipment list), Ring of Ainz Ooal Gown (Free), Comfy Tavern/Inn (Free), Relic Tier Equipment (100cp)

Companions: Homunculus Maid (Free and doesn’t actually count as a companion),

A Custom Companion (Free): Tolerance for Evil (Free), Themed Aesthetics 2 (Free), Level One Hundred (Free), Personal Inventory 1 (Free), Drop-In Origin (Free), Legendary Tier Equipment (Free), Bard (Free), Alchemist (100D), Tireless (200), Dragonoid (Free), OmniDextrous (FreeD), Magic Item Creator (200cp), Skillful and Resourceful (100cpD), Ring of Sustenance (Free), Magical Instrument 1 (Free), Alchemist Lab 1 (Free)

Drawbacks: Foreigner (100cp), Smug Prick (100cp), Racial Discrimination (200)

Equipment from other jumps: Rum bottle (Of course.), Muichimonji, and PDA.

I will not post the details for everyone's sanity. If you wish to know the details, either look up the jump or simply ask me for them. I am sure that you will not like the length of this one.

Damn it, I have been thrown into a plot with the yandere succubus!

            With a small hum, I walked out of my bedroom, stretching out a little bit as I stepped forward. I gave a small wave to the line of maids off to my left as I stepped down the thron- Wait… That can’t be right. I was sitting back home pouring rum into bottles. I paused right where I stood and sifted through my memory for a moment and, to my astonishment, there was quite a lot of it. Twenty three years of memories to be exact, most attributed to VR gear and YGGDRASIL and… Ah shit. I quickly took a look around the area and, while I at least had the benefit of being in a world I partially knew of (And know knew much more), I quickly dropped to my knees and held my hands up high. “Fuck! I am stuck in a world with that yandere succubus and lamprey vampire!”

            I only paused for a moment as I was given weird looks by the maids… then Albedo, who was looking down at me from the point at the top of a set of stairs that led up to a throne. Sitting in said throne and, now looking down toward me with astonishment (If his face could move… His jaw dropping was good enough.), was the elder lich Momonga. Technically, only his character, who was now him, was the elder lich… He was a player of the game beforehand. At least I stopped the groping scene before it happened, but… Now I had various people staring at me like I was insane.

            I cleared my throat, composed, and slowly climbed up to my feet. “Uh… Sorry about that. Um… Uh… Momonga… Why are we still here? Didn’t the servers get shut down?” I asked, at least trying to come off as someone who was actually from the universe… At least I seemed to have memories and experience, as did the others, that would make it seem as if I was.  My other eye was still moving of its own accord, but I reached up to give Meddy a gentle poke so that she knew not to continue to do so. ‘I… I thought they did. Maybe they didn’t?’ I heard from Momonga in my head, probably through a message spell as he seemed to be thinking for the moment. One of the maids, aesthetically pleasing woman with long, black hair and the classic French maid outfit stepped up, asking if I needed any assistance. I simply gave her a nod and asked her to fetch me something to drink. It didn’t matter what as long as it wasn’t magical. With my own message spell, that I seemed to know, I messaged back a simple “I have no clue. Well, I do… but, you might not believe me this time around. Let’s go to the meeting room… Might be best to speak of this in private. Also, do what you think is best… We might not be in our world any more as, if you have noticed, the NPCs are acting of their own accord. Searching the perimeter of Nazarick and gathering everyone on level six in the amphitheater.”

            After I finished speaking, he sent them off to search the perimeter of the tomb and instructed Albedo to gather the guardians of each floor, specifically, and meet up in the amphitheater in two hours. At least he mostly listened to my instructions, but his reasons were decent as we… he… did not know where we were. We gathered in the meeting room, an extremely large, grandiose table with the guild symbol etched into the center filled the room, 42 chairs lining the table with even spacing. Because we were the only two there, I actually took the time to pick up my chair, that I knew of from my new memories, and carry it all the way over to where he sat down.

            “I hope you don’t mind, but considering the fact that there might be only us two, as the others logged off, probably won’t hurt.” I stated, quickly plopping into the chair with a small huff. ‘Well, you did this during the Christmas party to talk to just about everyone in the spa, I don’t think it matters even now.’ He replied, gently letting go of the guild staff so that his hands were free, the symbol of the guild floating just a few inches off of the ground beside him. Though, I had to ask him something… Just to keep up the charade, though, anything I stated was almost entirely not a lie as far as my past in this world was concerned. To them and to me, it all happened.

“So, you took the guild staff, hmm? Don’t blame you considering the fact that the server was about to shut down.”

‘Aye… Though, your eye looks a little odd. Did this whole event did something to us?’

“Oh? This? No, it is an illusion… Yeah, an illusion.” I stated, reaching up to give Meddy a gentle tap with my finger and, thankfully, she went along with the act by quickly unfusing with my head (Now that she could) and filled my hand as a little snake, which I moved to quickly hide her in my… fuck, where are my pockets… I didn’t give this armor pockets… So, I just kind of put her in my sleeve for the moment. He seemed to believe me at the least, but… Maybe not.

‘Hmm… Very well. Now… While we await everyone to gather and for the search to be finished, what do you propose we do? You did say you might know what is going on here.’ He asked simply, his hands resting on the table rather stiffly. “Well… We might be in another world. I do not know how or why, but we might be. Think about it… All of our senses are as strong as if we were back home in our chairs outside of the gear and the NPCs are acting of their own accord according to their personalities to at least some degree.”

I did my best to explain, knowing that I was correct. I simply had to explain it to him as I did know all that would occur up to a certain point in time because of my time watching the anime and reading the manga… Granted, I knew less than I would if I had read the novel. “If I may… I would like to leave and explore further than the servants. If you will be fine here on your own. It might be beneficial to have someone exploring further who is capable of hiding themselves.” I crossed my arms over my chest while Momonga thought to himself.

After a moment, the lich gave a small nod of his head. ‘Very well… I will keep track of things here at Nazarick and message you when help is required or I need your input. For now… I want you back within a week.’ I replied with a simple “I’ll see if I can. The rings hopefully still work. You should check such a thing… Please, inform the guardians and everyone else that I will exploring. Try not to make them think that I am off by myself.” I grinned and climbed from my seat, wandering off toward the door with a small hum. “Oh and Momonga… Be careful around Albedo. The fact that you changed her settings may cause a few… issues.” He spazzed out a little bit, shaking his hands and head as if to deny such a thing. ‘I-I-I didn’t do that! How… How did you know? You weren’t in the room.” The Lich asked, suddenly getting rather serious as the green light that signified his emotions being calmed cam over him. ‘I simply saw you clicking away at a board as I walked in at the very end before this whole thing. I assumed, heh.’ I stated before quickly teleporting away to the entrance of the tomb with my guild ring.

Once I was at the entrance, I pulled a small talisman from my inventory, which was a small, black gate that opened up for me to pull things out of it seemed, and activated it to increase my speed, the paper vanishing away as a glow overcame my body. “That was close… Going to leave him to do whatever he wants. Meddy… Hold on.” I stated just as she made herself known and refused with my head, same side and with the same exact appearance. ‘How DARE you! I was stuck in that sleeve for I don’t know how long! Not even paying any mind to my discomfort!’

With a sharp huff, I started running as fast as my body would allow, with the magic, and in doing so I came to realize just how fast I was truly moving. To the outside observer, I appeared as if I was physically teleporting complete bounds at a time and that was only when I stopped to turn or the light caught me just enough to create an after image. Actually reacting to the various obstacles ahead of me was difficult at first, but eventually I was reacting accordingly and either jumping over them or side-stepping anything that came my way. It was… Honestly, it seemed as if I hit the point of being ridiculous, even for this universe to some extent, but that might be pushing it a hint. I thought about it for a moment and, if I sprinted, I might be able to hit the point of being unable to be followed by plenty of beings, but… I don’t want to push it and I may be thinking too highly of myself at this point.

I knew where I had to go, though… Sort of… I knew where by name, but not by location. I slowly came to a stop, stepping up next to a tree at the top of a hill and simply dropped down next to it. “Hmm… Medusa? Any ideas?” I asked, one of my hands reaching up to gently rub a portion of her scales to try and came her down as, for the moment, that eye was looking all over the place as if she was just frightened by something. “Oh right, you aren’t affected… Well, to put it bluntly, I got a very large power boost. I am trying to think of what I actually have in total. From the looks of it, the final title for my exact ‘build’ as it were was Kensai… A Sword Saint.” I muttered, trying to at least stay partially hidden as I took a small glance around the area.

‘Th-That… is way too fast. You tried to explain this whole jumping thing, but I didn’t realize how powerful you could become.’ She stated, that eye eventually easing up while I simply gave her a little tap. “You come from a world where someone can punch boulders into diamonds… I don’t want to hear it. Any ways… I know where I need to go and who I need to find. Hmm… Tell me if you see a city. I am going to check a few things.”

With that, I went about taking out what I could from my little inventory and set it all out in front of me before doing the same with my current equipment to try and get a feel for what I had prepared or even with me. Besides a few things from past jumps, namely my katana, PDA, and endless bottle of rum (Woo!), there were quite a few other items of note. A pile of talismans of various kinds, anything from paper, to wood, to metal… All of various types and make, a few of which even had strings attached to them (From memory, they were to be attached to the hilt of my sword), a set of clothing… not armor, but clothing (Outfit Link. Just add matching gloves and a hood.), a second set that looked like a simple set of leather armor that I remember was not enchanted, unlike the clothing, a tiny statue of a gryphon, gold, a pair of glasses, and a sword about the same length and width as my katana, but was double-edged, completely straight, without a cross guard (Why do none of the swords I have possess cross guards?), and had a loop at the bottom with a metal talisman hanging by a string from it.

At least it had a scabbard, which rested across my back instead of having to be carried. After putting away and reequipping everything, I climbed up to feet with a small sigh. “Well, hmm… According to my memory I am not classified as living at the moment. That’s a… bonus.” I reached up to rub the side of my head for a moment before taking a second to pull out that pair of glasses and slipping them on, mostly just because I could. With that, I took a small step forward… and, without warning Meddy, simply burst into a sprint once more.

It took me about an hour as, because of how fast I was moving (And Meddy was still getting used to the speed.), it became rather difficult to find my way around. When I finally did stop, I stopped a good thirty feet outside of a village by the tree line. I brought one hand up and messaged Momonga. “Good sir… We have company. Little village. Hmm… Shall I investigate?”

All I heard was a long hum, but eventually he did respond with a ‘No. You may be able to pass for human, not counting your teeth, but no… observe if you wish, but do not investigate. Also, Wirginia Szel… Zelez… Szlezcaka… Was Wirginia pronounced with a V or a W?’ I let out a small huff and, while even I couldn’t pronounce the last name, I at least knew how to respond. “With a V… It’s polish. Let’s not say their last name for now.” After that, Medusa glanced around, keeping an eye on the few lights that were flickering in the village. At least it was late at night. ‘Right… Wirginia was asking where you were during the meeting of the guardians. She may have choice words for you when you return. Namely why you shouldn’t go off on your own.’

“Aye. I will make sure to be mindful of such things. I shall observe for now at the least, but if they see me… I will investigate and interact with the populace in a non-harmful manner.” Once that was finished, I message Wirginia, telling her not to leave the tomb. I knew that she would listen, but it would be best to inform her of such things. To avoid any rebuttal, however, I did close the message before she could. The only reason, that I could figure out, that I was able to cast such a spell without a talisman was one of my four rings. It was a very basic spell, so it had no problem with being made into a fairly low level item.

After that moment, I simply took the time to climb a tree and get comfortable with my bottle of rum in hand so that I may properly observe the village. I sat there… For hours… Medusa even fell asleep while I waited… Eventually, morning came and people began to stir. I was incredibly bored, if one could imagine such a thing.

It took a few more hours of me just watching this village, occasionally moving from one spot to another around it to see what they were doing, only to sate my boredom as I already knew who they were after seeing a few specific villagers. Though, I eventually just got to the point that I wanted to be seen and, after almost an hour of putting myself into view and making sure to make some noise, someone finally approached me. To hide Meddy, I actually woke her up and put her away in my sleeves once again as he approached. A farmer… Bit older, rounder, and with a greying beard, and basic peasant clothes with a rough voice.

‘Boy, you need somethin’? You’re makin’ quite a bi’ of noise.’ He stated and before I could even think, I blurted out “Well, I simply wanted to see what all of you mongrels were doing… Honestly, I don’t see how you survive with how dull everything is.” I squinted for a moment, not to be rude, but at the sheer fact that I went from fairly friendly to Fate Gilgamesh… A friendly version, I think, but still.

‘Right… You’re one of them exiled nobles, aren’ you? I can tell by your teeth just by the fact that they could probably bite a horse’s head clean off. Don’ get anywhere near my family without me around, ya’ hear! I don’ wan’ ya’ biting them!... And get some sun.’ He yelled, my tongue moving to feel over my teeth for a moment. Oh right… vampire… While I didn’t mind the appearance, it seemed my teeth were now equal to a Hellsing vampire as far as shape and size were concerned. The new version, specifically, where all of their teeth are thick canines. I don’t know what fucking vampire had these teeth outside of a few worlds, but I didn’t question it. Considering, in this world, this form was made by me (Technically), I probably added it to seem more fearsome. The fact that he didn’t freak out at the least was kind of nice.

That wasn’t important, I simply closed my mouth and gave a sharp huff. “You have no need to be concerned with my appearance, after all…. You’re a simple farmer. Filing teeth is considered a sign of power!” And… Apparently I was a dick now. Hmm. I stepped past him and wandered off into town with a small sigh, one of my hands cupping so that Meddy had a place to curl up and rest, all of it hidden behind the cloth of said sleeve. “Well… Let’s see your shanty town, shall we? I would like to know more about the village that I already know plenty about…”

Fourth Jump (Skullgirls) Part 2

It Took Six Years and Many Lawsuits Later, but I Finally Pissed Them Off

            “I never thought that I would get annoyed by running into violence ten to twenty times in a day”, I muttered to myself as I continued to fill the bottles that I purchase from Little Innsmouth every few weeks. I have tried so hard to stay at home for extended periods of time… All to avoid the constant influx of people attempting to attack me. It was so bad one month that Meddy actually passed out from using her ability too often.

            Meddy was currently asleep, resting while I used my endless bottle of alcohol to pay my endless bills… No matter how much I made, I could only live comfortably for four out of seven days each week. At least I had a comfortable house. “Hmm… At least I am staying out of the Medici’s business… Wait… Didn’t I get attacked- shit.” I stated firmly, closing the one eye that I still had full control of for the moment. I had been attacked just a week ago by a full gang of mafia-looking bastards… Knocked out three and broke the legs of the fourth to try and make a point not to come after me.

            At least they haven’t sent anyone, right? Because I thought such a thing, there was a small knock on the door. I climbed up to my feet and, after reaching over to grab my katana, made my way over toward the door. “Meddy… Wake up. We have company.” With a small grown from the parasite, my right eye opened up and glanced around a little bit. ‘Oh, again? Can’t we just have a chance to rest…?’
            “Nope. Not for another few years.” I commented just as I opened the door, being mindful enough to keep my sword in view. Considering the fact that it was very obvious that I had a parasite, I didn’t bother hiding it… If they planned on attacking me, it would be because of Meddy. At the door, there was the one person I feared from the Medici besides their assassin… Cerebella.

            She was spinning her hat, which was still in its smaller form, around on one of her fingers. At least she was smiling and wasn’t one to kill without regret. Granted, her living weapon can physically crush people without issue. “You… Need a longer dress. I apologize for such an insult, but I am sure that you are not here for polite conversation.” As I spoke, I Meddy was looking around… I could tell, considering I could see what she was looking at. First the area behind the shorter woman, then the area immediately around me, and then just stared straight at Vice-Versa. Now, this wouldn’t be too bad… except for the fact that my other eye was not moving with her, so the eye she had control of most of the time was simply moving of its own accord.

            Cerebella raised her shoulders up in a small shrug before bringing her hands together at her waist. While my little insult didn’t faze her, she made no attempt to correct me about the conversation aspect. ‘May I come in? I have a message from Lorenzo Medici himself!’ I let out a small sigh and took a small sip from my bottle of rum before speaking. I was half-sure that, by this point, I was probably an alcoholic, but… it didn’t really matter at this point. “You may not simply because I don’t want to pay for any damages. I am already up to my hairline in debt. Would you like a drink?” I offered with a slight smile, holding the bottle of alcohol out to the tanned woman. I was even kind enough to change it to an apple cider with a small thought.

            While my tone and actions weren’t angry, she wasn’t exactly too happy to deal with me from her quickly souring expression. “I do apologize for my behavior... I am constantly under attack for everything from having a parasite to lollygagging for two minutes and even just because my name starts with an ‘A’. You can imagine that I my patience is starting to wear thin after seven years of such a thing.” I tried to explain as the woman took the bottle away to take her own sip and hand it back over to me. ‘Cider? Like things a little sweet, hmm?’

            “Nah… I prefer things made out of something sweet. Rum is more my style.” I stated, Medusa’s eye closing into a complete glare as, for the entire conversation, I hadn’t paid her any attention and now I was doing something that could be classified as flirting to some degree. “Medusa… Say ‘hi’.” I stated to try and calm her down, but, instead, Cerebella was suddenly encased in stone along with her hat. I let out a sharp huff and pushed the shaking statue off of my porch and followed after it, sprinting toward the middle of the street (I was mindful to close my door), just to get away from my house and into sight of multiple people. Going to make an example out of this whole situation to try and get people to stop attacking me… Won’t work, but it is worth a shot.

            I turned around just in time to see that Cerebella statue to explode in a spectacular display of rock and newly-made gravel going in all directions, her hat now active with those gigantic arms held up and ready to go. I drew my katana and tossed away the scabbard before realizing one mistake that I had already made… I forgot to put down my rum. I set the bottle on my hip with the string that was tied to it as I spoke. “Now… We can fight and you can continue to prove that the Medici are nothing but well-dressed thugs or we can put our weapons down and have a drink.” I stated, Meddy calling out ‘Take the former you short-skirted, panty-showing wench!’, which only caused me to let out a small sigh and hang my head for a moment. “Meddy… No. No insulting the opponents this time.” I stated with a sharp huff.

            ‘Lies and slander! The Medici are kind people!’ Cerebella called out before using Vice-Versa to propel herself forward and slightly up into the air. With a small roll, Vice-Versa’s fists came together above her head and then down into the concrete. The reason that it hit the concrete was the fact that I had the chance to hop back to avoid the massive, cupped fists of the living weapon. To make matters worse, as small bits of stone flew into the air, the hat’s arms planted themselves and, with a spin along the living weapon’s body to kick out with her bladed heels.

            I bent straight back at the knee, Medusa stretching around the right side of my head to catch my body, propping me up so that I may parry the knives as they came down to try and correct herself, as well as get another strike in at my body. The circus performer spun right back around, Meddy dropping me down as she did. My upper back hit the ground and I rolled back, avoiding the acrobatic woman’s tertiary strike and climbing up to my feet in the same instant. “If they were kind people, why would they send you against someone?! Granted, I broke the guy’s legs… but, they attacked first. I simply wanted to be left alone!” I called out in a rather melodramatic manner… A hint of it was true annoyance and anger after seven full years of being attacked at all hours of the day, every day.

            Cerebella charged toward me with an angry growl at my constant and anger-filled questioning of her “family”, Meddy coming right back around as I took a new stance. I actually, for once, used both hands to grip the hilt of Muichimonji, bringing the blade to a diagonal position across my chest, keeping it close with the hilt held up high and the blade down. My legs were spread, the left pushed forward and the right held back in accordance with positioning of my sword.

            There was a single move that I had actually practiced with Meddy and I did not want this to keep going simply because of the growing crowd… I knew that the Medici would be nearby just in case that Cerebella should fall. “Meddy… Get ready…” I stated before I was forced to push back to balance on my back leg, my blade coming down to parry (More guide away than truly parry.) a blow from the living weapon, my leg snapping out into a side kick as I did in the hopes of catching her. That blasted hat left her able to guard herself, Cerebella bringing her hands up to not only block, but catch my leg. With quick thinking, Medusa sprang out down to the ground, coiling up to create a base before pushing off. As this occurred, I brought my other leg up and out into a surprise second kick toward her chin.

            It was a success, but as soon as she moved back, I dropped to the ground with a small thud, Meddy pushing to try and at least get me into a roll. We were both too slow and before I knew realized it, my legs were grabbed by Vice-Versa and I went right into the concrete once… twice… three times, each harder than the last before being “casually” tossed into the trunk of a nearby tree.

            I laid there for a moment, letting the shock settle while one of my more recent abilities took care of the pain. Meddy was busy trying to get me up as Cerebella approached. ‘Message delivered… anything else? If you’re awake.’ My advisory stated with a smug grin. I reached back to grab one of the lower-hanging branches and forced myself up to my feet without too much effort… Though, I think that I had a few broken ribs and chipped bones just about everywhere else. Thankfully, my ability to ignore pain made sure that such things mattered not to me.

“Yeah… Just one thing.” I muttered as I took a few steps forward till I was within about eight feet, Cerebella obviously on guard as I was moving as if I was at least not in as bad of a condition as I truly was. I retook my previous stance, Meddy blinking a few times as she looked from me to Cere a few times. “Meddy… We’re doing it.”

‘Stop while you’re still in one piece! I egged her on, but you don’t need to get yourself killed!’ Medusa practically shouted into my ear, but I simply shifted my feet and planted them a little more firmly. “I said… We’re doing it.”

I remained where I stood, my eyes narrowing as I did what I could to suppress my emotions and focus more on the task at hand. I still had that one issue… I had so much difficulty striking in melee with full force. Just because I could hurt her and had to as to prevent a repeat situation, I didn’t truly want to. ‘Very well. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind seeing this.’ Is all I heard from Medusa before the motions began.

Cerebella charged once more, both arms of Vice-Versa extending out toward me. “Stay still!” Medusa glanced down and encased one of the woman’s legs to cause her to stumble forward from the sudden weight and inability to move her leg from the knee-down. “Disable!” As she stumbled, I stepped forward, ducking underneath the first arm. Meddy’s gaze moved down to my blade to sheath it in the same, generic stone so that I could bring it down to the side and into the elbow of Vice-Versa’s other arm and, just after, I dropped my katana to free up my hands.

With a sharp gasp, she started to pull back to try and get at least some space so that she could free her leg, but it was in vain at this point. I brought my left hand up to grab her by the side of her jaw, my fingers digging into the soft spot right behind the base of the air to keep her from pulling away and to, at the same time, cause intense pain and force her to stay still. “Crash!” My other arm shifted into its malfested state, the digits balling into a fist before coming forth into the bridge of Cerebella’s nose. She went flying a few feet back, her body half-flipping so that she slammed face-first into the ground before finally coming to a stop.

            With a small sigh, I transformed my arm back into its previous state, the fingers closing around the bottle on hip so that I could bring it up and take a long sip of my drink. “And drink… stupid shonen attack that requires me to say every action.” I stepped over to grab my sword and pick it up off the ground, the stone falling away as, recently, Meddy and I had figured out how to free whatever she entraps. “You alright, Cerebella!? Didn’t want to kill you.” With a small sigh, I wandered back over to her as she laid on the ground, only pausing to actually pick up my scabbard and sheath my katana. She was knocked right out, her nose visibly broken from the impact… At least she seemed to be breathing.

            I was kind enough to call an ambulance for her and, before I stepped away, I left a little note stating that if the Medici exiled her, my couch was free if she needed a place to stay or to hide. The only reason I didn’t worry about my arm being considered odd by the mass of people standing around me was the fact of parasites… Could be classified as a second one or simply part of my current, though, as I walked back to my house, people gave me a WIDE berth from that fact… At least I assumed it was that and not the fight.

            Well… Back to filling up those bottles until they send someone else after me. At least I only have three years left, but… Black Dahlia isn’t an easy individual to deal with.

Fourth Jump: Skullgirls (Part 1)

Skullgirls Jump (Jump 4)

1000cp + 200cp

Starting Location: I actually rolled an 8! I can choose! I choose… Maplecrest.

Identity: Drop-In (Free) Age 19

Abilities: Street Smarts (Free): You know your ways around the seedy back alleyways of New Meridian. You can tell if someone's a crook just by looking at them, and you can always blend into a

crowd, no matter how outlandish your costume.

Parasite: Medusa (300cp): This parasite replaces one of your eyes, as well as a good chunk of skin around it. Your eye gains a flame-red iris and yellow sclera, while the skin around it seems green and scaly. Medusa's eyelids are actually her mouth, with her eye on the end of a tongue- Medusa can lash out and bite at anything attacking your face with surprising ferocity. Medusa also is capable of covering anything you see in a layer of generic gray stone, whether that thing be an inanimate object or a living person. She can turn this ability on and off as she pleases. Medusa's stone is hard enough to trap normal people with only a moment's glance, and keep them stuck until they die or you let them out. The longer you look at something with this power, the thicker the stone covering it becomes. Medusa can move her eye independent of your remaining eye, and can even pop it out and control it like an agile, prehensile tentacle that looks like a snake's body. With this, she is able to reach a maximum length of about 15 feet. This can be disorienting, since you still see out of Medusa's eye during all this. Medusa is nice enough, but quite vain and very possessive of you, and becomes upset if you try to cover her up. She will start acting out and will petrify your friends to stone if you ignore her for too long. Does not like reflective surfaces.

Like The Back of Your Hand (150cpD): It's always good to have some local knowledge, but you seem to have an uncanny intuition as to your envrions. No matter where you go, you know the area like the back of your hand- every nook, cranny, and back alleyway is innate knowledge to you. You'll never be lost again! This knowledge is so complete to the point where you can use it in combat- Dancing a foe into a wayward cobblestone to trip them, or perhaps positioning them so that you can knock them into a faulty neon sign.

Last Hope (600cp): A top-secret special unit originally belonging to the Anti-Skullgirl labs, the Last Hope was dissolved due to a mysterious incident- But you're one of the last surviving members. You have no superpowers, just top-notch medical training, to the point where your knowledge of the human body is absolute. You know exactly how the human body reacts chemically to just about anything (for good or for ill), pressure points and weaknesses, acupuncture points to bolster or debilitate people, and should you encounter some kind of alien humanoid race with different anatomy, brushing yourself up on all of their details only takes a single dissection. You even know how to safely extricate a Parasite from their host or artificially bond multiple parasites to a

single person- Providing all parties are complicit (or entirely unable to object) in the process. Even so, the most Parasites anyone has ever been able to put into a single person is two, and those were

both Artificial Parasites.

Equipment: 3 Money Under The Mattress (2 for free from Drop-In with a third for 50cp), Hideout (Free), 

Infinite Blade Works (100cp)… Not Unlimited Blade Works, just it’s cousin. Also, the only one that remains after the jump, it seems as far as equipment is concerned: Somehow, you have a just-about endless supply of knives, swords, and other such sharp things that you can pull from any pocket or likewise hidden area on your body. These blades are of high quality and are always sharp, but they're nothing special. They seem to disappear mysteriously once you're done using them.

Drawbacks: Debt (100cp): So, uh, that hideout you have? Turns out you might have skipped the bill once or twice. Or ten times. And there's a lot of interest. Doesn't matter if you live somewhere for free - Now you owe an obscene amount of money to your landlord, who's been generous enough to let you pay it off in payments that I garuntee will leave you in poverty for your entire ten years here unless you work extra hard on paying off your debt. And for some reason, now your Cosmic Warehouse key only works on your hideout's bathroom door, and will stop working if you lose your hideout- So, unless you like living on the streets, you should get on that. 

Action (100cp): People like you tend to like a good scrap once in a while, but this is a little silly.

Seems like you can't take a step out your front door without some random guy crashing into you and

challenging you to a fight on the flimsiest pretenses. It's a constant thing- No matter where you go,

you're constantly plagued by challengers. It's a good day if you only have ten fights on the way home.

Not that they're ever really a challenge, but getting anywhere takes forever and you're always dead

tired before you get home.

Equipment from past jumps: Muichimonji, Bottle of Rum, Jar of Dirt (Lancer), PDA

A note from the previous jump: Malfested is now able to be turned on and off. Turning it on, however, activates the entire ability, including the drawback portion for as long as it is active.

Well… Seems I Made a Friend… Why the Fuck is My Eye Moving Without My Input?!

            I grumbled softly, my body shifting around for a moment as a few beams of sunlight shined in through the gaps of the shades that covered every window of my bedroom. It took a moment, but I slowly rolled out of the soft bed that I had dropped-in on this time around. Wait… A soft bed? A soft bed!? When the fuck did I last have a soft bed!? Once this realization dawned on me, I sprung to my feet and looked around for a moment.

            A modern house… I was standing the bedroom of a modern house. Apparently my house if the deed on the nightstand, and the notice from the person I had obtained it from that I was now permanently paying off a constant stream of debt, was any indication. With a small, content sigh, I stepped over into the bathroom, my hands rubbing at my eyes as I went. “Well… Perhaps I will have a break this time. Debt isn’t anything too bad…” I took a quick look in the mirror to at least make sure that everything was normal and, of course, I was not normal even at a glance. I cringed slightly, one of my hands reaching up to rub at the scales that outlined my right eye socket and the space that is covered from the side of my nose, close to my right ear, and how it physically removed my eyebrow on that side.

            ‘Look, I know you have a thing for lamia, but could you please not touch me so early in the morning?’ I heard, my right eye moving to glance toward my left as the voice continued. ‘Also, just a note for later, keep me out of the sight of mirrors… Makes me uncomfortable.’ By that point, I simply blinked the eye that I still had control of and slowly walked back over to my bed, took a seat, and picked my bottle of rum off of the nightstand. “My eyeball is talking to me… What’s your name and where am I THIS time?” I asked simply, taking a long sip from my endless bottle of alcohol before and after I spoke.

            My eye… Her eye… At least I think it was a she… The voice was feminine, if nothing else… Ah, our eye, extended out, forcing me to take a deep drink of my rum now that I was literally looking myself in the eye. ‘Medusa. Pleased to meet you… and you? We might as well get to know each other considering we are now together till death.’ She stated with an eerily pleased tone to her voice. “Aaron. Nice to meet ya’. Till death… Modern house… Parasite… You never answered where we were.” I mentioned, my hand reaching over to grab the deed and take a glance at the information for a location. Good thing I could suppress my emotions, because this was rather… disturbing.

            My conversation was interrupted by a hard knock on the door, forcing me to climb up to my feet and, thankfully I was currently clothed… Minus my boots and coat as I thankfully had a habit of wearing clothes to bed. Either way, Medusa slipped back into my skull and I started to cover her up with my hand, but after nearly losing a finger in the process, I simply apologized and stepped up to the door. “Ah, won’t be doing that again if it obviously upsets you.” I muttered before opening the door. I was greeted with a rather burly man standing there with a bat in hand. ‘You malformed bastard!’ He stated harshly before bringing his bat up and, just before he brought it down, he was completely encased in stone. I could hear him screaming underneath the rather generic rock, so he was at least alive.

            “I… Like you. I will call you Meddy. Also, thank you for taking care of this asshole. It was you, right?” I stated simply to the eye, who I could see lowering their eyelid as if to say ‘Really?’… But, I still had a guy to deal with and it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to let him die. After checking my PDA to see what my mailing list and voting aspects stated… Don’t know why they appeared, but they did on occasion… I reached over to grab him by the arms and, with a decent amount of difficulty, dragged him into the house and off toward the kitchen. “Come here, I will get you out of there.”

            I propped him up in the kitchen and, after a few moments of looking around, drew a small hammer and a screwdriver, which I used to carefully chip away at the stone… Mouth and nose first, then eventually just worked his head free. I gave him a few moments, but as soon as he started to talk, I gave him a few hard hits upside the head till he eventually… calmed down… and took an hour or two to pry him free of the rock and toss him back outside. I actually took a moment to glance around the area. A nice suburban place… Not too bad… At least till I saw someone that I knew rather well. Filia… I saw Filia from Skullgirls walking through the neighborhood. That was all I need to know and, with that, I went right back inside. First, I had to find a way to make enough money to pay off debt… I am sure that I had enough for three months, but not much else. Hmm…. I am going to need a few bottles, my endless rum, and a labeler…

Third Jump: Soul Calibur (Part 2)

Dark Wings That Plot In Secret and the Lost Wanderer Not Of This World

(“Dark Wings That Plot In Secret” is a reference to Tira’s promotional material for SCV and the fact that the narrator of Soul Calibur gives everyone odd titles… Hence the other title.)

Music for the battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEJJ4dZhh98

           

I ducked and rolled off to the side to avoid the woman as she came down, coming up to my feet so that I could run toward the center of the room, my body turning so that my back was facing the very throne that Nightmare once called his own… along with so many others before and after him. “I don’t want to harm anyone… but, I won’t be like that mentally deranged Pyrrha and her possibly incestuous brother.” As I spoke, she gathered herself and walked up, just as the narrator… Wait… Narrator? Really? That was actually canon... Alright. The narrator, who might only be able to be heard by those fighting, called out in his deep, thoughtful voice ‘The wanderer only desires enlightenment, but for the jester… only corruption.’ to add to the rather melodramatic tone that, by this point, saturated the very air of the castle.

At least it banished the current tension, Tira stepping up to a point a few feet away, her blade slung over her shoulder and her body hunched over. A stance that I was familiar with considering how often I used to play the games that she was from. She didn’t say a word and her otherwise Jolly appearance shifted to that of anger and distaste. “Here I thought I was switching emotions much too quickly…” I commented as I hooked the scabbard of my blade to my belt, positioning it off to the right so that I could draw it with my left hand and, just to be ready, I did so. I could already tell that my pacing was off, as well as my mood… Being thrown from one world to another probably wasn’t too easy on my mind and body to begin with, nor the fact that I was now malfested… Was simply waiting for it to claw at the corners of my mind to go on a rampage at this point.

As a fitting switch of atmosphere, everything went silent for a moment. The breeze that went through the throne room eased up, both me and the insane wench that was now my opponent barely shifting even a single muscle. Her manic depression did come with that one side benefit… I could at least count on either of her two emotional… viewpoints… to be stalwart in their thoughts and actions. Quite predictable in that regard.

I was the first to act, rushing forward with my blade held off to the side. I knew that my form was horrible, but I refused to use my malfested arm… At least while I didn’t have to. I brought the sword up from below, Tira stepping off to the side with a small spin on her heel. That circular weapon came around in the same movement, forcing me to turn and push my hips back to just barely, and quite awkwardly, avoid the strike only to feel the heel of her boot crashing into my jaw. I stumbled back a step and brought my katana up, my body turned in a similar fashion to a fencer. A truly improper stance for the weapon I am using. I thought for a moment, my malfested hand flexing as I mulled over my options… before I suddenly tore off my coat with that monstrous hand and tossed it up into the air.

Once the fabric settled, I was already a good forty feet away from Tira and going down a hallway. I ran straight to the first door that I came to, sheathing my katana so that I could pull out my warehouse key and slip it into the lock. I could hear Tira approaching and, as she turned the corner, she was greeted with the barrel of my Lancer pointed down range toward her and my foot propped up on a jar of dirt. “What’s the rule? Use what you have available? Either way… I cheat.” With that, I won the battle… I didn’t kill her, but I left her with a few bullet holes in her legs. Nothing major, thankfully.

I did not stay in the castle, I left… I left and simply found a place to stay for the remaining years… A few run-ins here and there, but nothing that couldn’t be taken care of with a few bullets.

Third Jump: Soul Calibur (Part 1)

Soul Calibur Jump (Jump 3)

1000cp + 50

Starting Location: Ostrheinsburg

Identity: Drop-In (Free) Age 17

Abilities: Forever Onward (100cpD): You become more resistance weather that would otherwise impair your ability to travel. Strong winds, harsh sun, pouring rain, you'll be able to pass through with only a minor inconvenience.

No Remorse-No Pain (200cp): You gain a huge improvement to pain tolerance and easily ignore minor to moderate injuries. You also become better at suppressing emotions.

Chainless Disaster (300cp): Should you ever be bound or imprisoned, you can call upon a powerful reserve of strength to break free from all but the most ludicrous restraints.  

Shin Tenpu-Kosai Ryu (100cpD): A style of swordsmanship skilled in fast and decisive blows. It is used with several stances and excellent close-range grabs to catch opponents off-guard. It is ideally performed with a katana.

Weapon- One of Mitsurugi’s Katanas “Muichimonji” (Translated: Nothingness)  (100cp): An unassuming sword with a dark, iron blade with a matching handle and scabbard. It does not possess a crossguard. 

Demon Hunter (200cp): You can sense the presence of evil entities and those that feed on souls. The more powerful a being is, the further you can detect it at.

Fine Clothes (50cp): Though not intended for fighting in, these fine clothes don't restrict movement in a fight - regardless of how they might look. They are particularly well-suited for formal occasions where they're often stylish and exotic. (Simply imagine a variant of Raphael's current attire with a coat and no hat.)

Drawbacks: Malfested (50cp): Gives you frightening raw strength in your dominant arm, but it can only be used to wield weapons. It takes on a monstrous appearance. Most civilized folk will immediately treat you as a monster. You are more susceptible to Soul Edge, but derive more power from its shards.

Equipment from other jumps: Bottle of Rum

            I yelled out as I fell down from the very ceiling of the castle that I had appeared in, my frame falling down into the awaiting arms of surprisingly strong woman who, without missing a beat, just looked down at me with a jolly, sadistic grin that was tinted with purple lipstick. ‘Oh! You’re new! Where’d you come from?’ She asked me while I was trying my best to gather my wits.

            With a glance over her visage, my own features turned as white as her own, my body writhing for a moment before she outright dropped me to the ground and gave me a hard kick to the gut to send me rolling across the stone work. ‘Awww… Little boy’s scared.’ The harlot chortled as she flipped over toward her ring blade that was propped up against a nearby wall. I, personally surprised by my current pain tolerance, reached over to grab the scabbard of the katana that fell down to the ground with me with my left hand before forcing myself up to my feet.

            “Tira… A woman of two mindsets and an angel of death to some… Where am I?” I asked simply, my right hand slowly reaching to grasp the hilt of my blade. That was until I noticed the way that my arm looked… and even she paused once she took notice of it.

            My arm… Wasn’t my own… Not in the traditional sense… It held a mutated, monstrous appearance. The flesh was replaced with an organic metal, an eye appearing on the back of my hand that moved of its own accord, my fingers fused into two and a thumb, replaced with claws as sharp as the ring blade in the jester’s hands. The bones were sturdy, spikes extending out from the elbow and the knuckles like some grotesque gauntlet that replaced my very arm up to the shoulder, the shoulder itself being replaced with a fleshy, spiked epaulet. Needless to say, my sanity took a hit from the sight.

            I shook in place, frantically looking over my arm that was only covered by the mantel that covered my shoulders whenever I lowered it, yet that hardly helped in any manner. All the while, the jester was hopping up and down in place with a cheerful gleam that only brought fear to my heart. ‘New indeed! Are you here to serve that cowardly Nightmare or can you help me knock him down a notch, hmm? Ultimate power through Soul Edge…’

            Those words ringed in my ears for a few moments before I gave a quick shake of my head and clenched my teeth… and channeled my inner edge. “I refuse such a fate… I serve no one and that includes that cursed blade.” I yelled, my right arm vanishing underneath my mantel as my left hand set itself underneath the crossguard, my thumb curled and ready to free the blade just enough to be drawn by my right hand. Granted, I didn’t want to use my corrupted arm, hiding it behind cloth while keeping my katana held half-way behind the left side of my body. This wasn’t a proper stance… It wasn’t one that was meant for actual combat… I was more ready to turn and run than actually fight. I don’t know why… I was staring a woman of death in the eyes and felt no flight response… or fight for that manner… The odd mental discipline and courage that I gained from my last jump made sure that I felt fear, but it had no control over me.

            Tira brought her blade around her body and gave it a small spin around her hips, looking at me with a small pout on her lips. ‘Awwww… No fun… and no different… Many say that, but they all fall. I wonder what your blood looks like…’ She stated the last part with obvious glee and quickly somersaulted to a point within a few feet of me, ring blade seamlessly moving from her hands to her feet and back again without issue. ‘I am sure that it will look heavenly on my hands’.

            Instead of stepping up, I took a step back. I don’t know why… I have killed already. I killed locust… yet, even then, I had a habit of hiding behind cover and running when I could to avoid the conflict. Heck, I ran like a scared chicken with a jar of dirt the last time around. I even had an assault rifle in that jar and still ran. With a long sigh, I started to reach over toward the hilt of my blade with my malfested hand before suddenly turning and bolting off toward the nearest hallway, only to be stopped by a thrown blade that bounced off the wall to my left, my left arm quickly raising up to knock parry the mass of metal, though, when it turned it managed to bash into my and cause me to stumble off to the side. ‘Now, now… No running. That’s not fun.’ The jester woman called out to me as she approached.

            She leaned over and picked up her ring blade as it lazily spun on the ground in the same fashion as a hoolihoop. ‘Why did you run, hmm? Don’t want to have some fun!? I’ll make it painful, if that helps…’ Like that would help anything, it would honestly make it worse. A lot worse.

            I straightened myself up, my right hand reaching over to the hilt of my sword once again. “Because I really don’t want to fight… It’s energizing, it gets the blood pumping, it gives some meaning to your actions by giving you a reason to fight… Even if it’s as simple as just wanting to survive… but… I don’t want to actually harm anyone. Locust are easy… Shooting at something blindly or in the dark when they are doing the same makes it easy. Just pull the trigger and it is out of your hands. That is not the same as cutting them down and killing the locust before they turned into something worse was me doing them a favor!” I stepped back up to the wall behind me, my clawed fingers tightening around the hilt as firmly as possible.

            ‘Locust? Shooting with a trigger? Oh, a crossbow! Quite a good shot, if you can hit a locust... Little hoppers and bringers of famine. Too bad that won’t save you here… Here, let me teach you how sweet it is to kill.’ She stated before she leaped at me, rising into the air with that circular weapon high above her head, threatening to cut me down where I stood in a single stroke, if I did not act…

Second Jump: Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean Jump (Jump 2)

1000cp + 200 from Drawbacks

Starting Location: The Isle De Muerta

Identity: Drop-In (Free) Age 22 (Paid for it.)

Abilities: Curse Like A Sailor (50cpD) Your vocabulary of curse words increases a hundredfold. You can curse a man for days and never repeat yourself. The language you use is inventive, descriptive, and often truly blistering, but it need not even be actual curses; you can speak so eloquently of your hate that you can curse a man by complimenting him.

Swordsman (100cp)You’re an excellent swordfighter. You were born with a cutlass in your hand (Or between your teeth). You can hold off a dozen Royal Marines, and you’re not averse to using dirty tricks to get ahead. While there are swordsmen better than you, you’ve yet to meet one. 

Sharpshooter (100cp) The inherent inaccuracy of unrifled weapons doesn’t affect you. You can hit a pinpoint target with a flintlock pistol from ten feet away, and hitting people on distant ships with a musket shot has more than a chance of success. Further, you’ve got the drill down cold; five shots a minute in any weather, and the roar of cannon no longer deafens you due to long practice.

Cuttlefish Style (100cp) You are a master of that most noble of pirate traditions. You know how to fight... to run away. The instant you create a distraction, you’re 40 feet away and moving fast. You are a master escape artist, and can use distractions in combat to escape even situations that appear inextricable. Any ship or other vehicle you captain also... somehow... has its speed increased when you’re trying to escape a fight.

Courage and Fortitude (200cp) Bravery and honor are your meat and drink. You’ll never quail despite frights that would darken the souls of a lesser man, holding strong to your bonds of brotherhood despite certain death. You do not fear death, you can stand and look it in the eye even as the cannonball flies. Unfortunately, standing fast is not always the best strategy....

Fancy Footwork (200cp) You’re always steady on your feet. Forget balancing on a swaying ship; you can hold your balance while swordfighting on the yardarm of a ship surfing the crest of a tidal wave. While it’s snowing. Also, you’ve good enough with trajectories to swing dramatically anywhere you want on the ropes that are always scattered around a ship.

Inventory: Nice Hat (50cp), Jar of Dirt (100cp), Bottle of Rum (100cp), Nice Sword (100cp)

Drawbacks: Missing Some Bits (100cp), Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner (100cp)

Second Jump: Well… I guess it’s not too- Why am I on THIS island!?

            “There be a few things off in the fucking sea… Uh… Nothing is right with the world, such as the fall of Barbados and… ugh…” Those were the words that escaped my mouth, my lips practically saturated in the rum that brought a subtle burning sensation and kept me from becoming too dehydrated… Though, that would not excuse my inability to not talk to the crab that happened to be sitting on the lid of this odd jar of dirt that I had happened to obtain this time around. The crab was barely larger than the palm of my newly-modified hand with a pale-red shell and a damaged claw.

            That was unimportant, however… What was important was the fact that I was stuck on the Island of the Dead and, from the jar of dirt that I happened to possess, I was probably in the Pirates of the Caribbean universe for whatever possible reason. At least I had my seemingly infinite bottle of rum… and scotch… and whiskey… Really, it didn’t seem to end and could change on a dime. Bad news was, I was apparently missing an eye and couldn’t speak in any comprehensible manner. Even I couldn’t understand what I was saying, but at least the crab didn’t mind.
            That was until the crab suddenly hopped off of the lid of my bottomless jar of dirt and skittered off into the water, the footfalls of what could only be pirates hitting the sand and their voices echoing off the rocks. Knowing that, well… As a small island that might be swallowed up at any given moment, I simply stood up off of the rock that I had been sitting on and picked up my jar of dirt. With my jar in one hand, my bottle of rum in the other, and my sword stowed away in said jar of dirt, I simply waited for them to approach.
            When they finally arrived, they all drew their swords as a man stood up… A man with a monkey on his shoulder. I tipped my hat to him with a grin. “Barbossa, the dead man who does not know Davy Jones’ locker.” I said him as best as I could to show that I knew who he was. All I got in return was a screech from his monkey and him yelling for them to kill me.

            Thinking quickly, I suddenly pointed out in the distance and called out “Fuckin’ Jack Sparrow’s got da’ last piece! He’s over by the swells of the waves!” to get their attention and, even though they looked away for only a second, I was already gone and a good forty feet away from them with my fine hat floating down to the sand where I previously stood before they realized I had lied to them. Can’t even believe they fell for my gibberish.

            I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, my feet kicking up sand and water with each movement as I tried to outpace those sea dogs who were now chasing me down. Luckily, for some odd reason, (Because of the GoW jump) there were random boulders that I leaped over every now and then to avoid gunfire.
            Eventually, I would come upon a random boat that they had left behind and, without thinking about it, I grabbed the boat and pushed it into the water. As they ran up, I leaped inside and, with a resounding tone of cheer and pride in my voice, I held up my jar of dirt and yelled out “I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt!” as a distraction, giving me just enough time to drift far enough away in my boat to avoid those that pursued me. They had a rather shocked look on their face, almost as if they had saw that exact action before by someone else… Similar to PTSD… Oh, wait… Sparrow did the exact same thing a while back or a bit later. Either way, it did not matter.
            After that, my little adventure only got, well… Worse… Honestly, that is about it. I ended up stranded on an island and had to live there for a good nine and a half years before my jump had ended and, all the while that I was there, that dang crab from before followed me around… Well, at least I got my bottle of rum and a jar of dirt.